By Milissa Aronson    |   Stress Management

Posted: July 14, 2025

Summer is in full swing and with that comes vacation season! You might find yourself dreaming about it for weeks in advance and counting down the days until it starts only to find that you can’t disconnect and unwind once you are actually on vacation! Maybe you are still mentally replaying what happened right before you left. Or what you left unfinished. Perhaps you can’t turn off the thoughts about what will be waiting for you back home. Or maybe you just can’t shake the constant tension in your shoulders and neck. You know that you want to take a break from everything and yet it always seems that you somehow manage to return home feeling more stressed than when you left! What gives? 

You're not alone. For many people the idea of relaxing sounds amazing… until you actually try to do it. Then your nervous system short-circuits and starts scanning for things to fix, solve, or plan.

Why Is It So Hard to Relax?

Your body and brain are conditioned to do. If you spend 51 weeks of the year juggling responsibilities, your nervous system isn’t going to suddenly shift into a parasympathetic “rest and digest” state the minute your out-of-office email kicks in. Here’s what often gets in the way:

• Guilt – “I should be making the most of this trip. I shouldn’t be wasting time.”
• Productivity addiction – Your identity is wrapped in being efficient, even while "resting."
• Mental leftovers – Unfinished work, unresolved stress, or unspoken conversations come with you.
• Tech tether – The phone is still buzzing. Social media still calls.
• Unrealistic expectations – You expect to feel immediately better the moment your feet hit the sand. When you don’t, you think you’re doing it wrong.
  

The truth is, relaxation isn’t passive. It’s a practice. It has to be intentionally cultivated, especially if you’re used to being “on” all the time.

So how do you actually relax on vacation—not just physically, but mentally and emotionally too? In this digital time, is it even possible to let go and decompress? The good news is that with some intentional planning and preparation, it is possible to disconnect, be present, and return from a vacation feeling relaxed and refreshed!

Here are 8 therapist-approved strategies to help you truly unplug.

Tip #1: Know Yourself

Ask yourself what you really need to relax before you start planning. You might have created an idealized image of yourself on vacation based on what you think a relaxing vacation “should” look like, but is that what would actually work for you? Consider the things that you enjoy doing. How can they factor into your vacation? If you aren’t someone who enjoys lying around doing nothing when you are at home, it might not be realistic to feel comfortable doing this while you are on vacation. At the same time, if you love the idea of lying around doing nothing, embrace it and plan plenty of time to do just that, rather than a packed week of sightseeing.

Tip #2: Manage Expectations

Vacations are not one-size fits all. The same is true for vacationers. If you already have a planned vacation, consider who you are going with and where you are going in thinking through what to expect. If you are a parent traveling to Disney with two small children, it might not be realistic to expect to spend hours lying poolside breezing through a novel. If you love exploring and absorbing the local culture of your destination and your travel companion is content to spend all day on the beach, it is important to have this conversation up front so that you can find ways to compromise and make sure you both realistically get what you need from the vacation. Once you think through what is realistic, take some time to figure out how to make it work for you. Ask yourself what would be the one thing that you would need to make this trip feel like it was worth it.

If you haven’t already planned your vacation, take the destination and logistics of travel companions into account when planning in planning a trip that is the best match for your expectations. Think through your priorities of resting, fun and connection when planning the trip.

Regardless of where you are in the planning process, be sure to communicate your expectations with your travel companions. Creating shared understanding helps everyone meet their own needs without stepping on each other’s toes.

Tip #3: Plan for the Transition

Here’s the thing most people forget: your nervous system doesn’t operate on a flight schedule. You can’t just “arrive” in relaxation. Expect the first 24–48 hours of your vacation to feel a little weird. You may even feel more tired, irritable, or emotionally drained.

This is normal. It’s called a stress rebound, when your body finally stops running on adrenaline, it crashes. So instead of fighting it or panicking (“Why am I not enjoying myself?!”), give yourself permission to acclimate. Avoid overscheduling your first day. Take naps. Drink water. Let your body arrive first. Your mind will follow.

Tip #4: Create an “Unplug” Ritual

Unplugging is huge. If you are constantly plugged into work, it’s not a vacation. Ideally, a full disconnect is best for relaxation. Yes, it’s still possible to get benefits if you need to maintain some connection, but let’s discuss full detox strategies first.

• Communicate that you won’t be available in advance. Let managers, supervisors, team members and subordinates know that you will be away before you go and that you will not be reachable. Clearly state this in your email, voicemail, and all team communication platform out-of-office message.
• Turn off notifications for email, Slack, or anything work-related.
• Physically store your phone out of reach during key moments (sunset, meals, journaling, etc.).
• Put your phone in grayscale (it reduces dopamine stimulation).

Okay, let’s say that you really can’t disconnect from your job for your entire vacation.  There are strategies you can still use to partially cut the cord and unplug. But, before I share them, I want you to ask yourself if it is really true that you absolutely cannot disconnect from work for the duration of your vacation. Are you sure? At the very least, try to do at least one of the following:

• Identify which tasks are absolutely necessary to do while you are away in advance. What cannot wait because your job, company, or someone’s life depends on it? Whose emails need a response and under what circumstances? Be clear on this. This is not the same as doing something that comes to your attention right away so that you won’t have to deal with it when you return.
• Communicate your availability and unavailability in advance and set a clear communication and coverage plan. You likely don’t need to answer everyone’s email. Designate one or two people who can handle “urgent” matters in your absence and ask them to relay matters that only you can address to you (be sure that they flag or label these matters in a subject line so that you aren’t responding to everything they send in your absence). Let those people know what they can expect in terms of response time and frequency. Clearly state your unavailability in your out-of-office messages, identifying the names and contacts of your designated backups.
• Designate planned check-in times and stick to them (in other words, don’t do anything work-related outside of these times).
• Turn off notifications for email, Slack, or anything work-related.
• Put your phone in grayscale.
• Delete all work-related apps from your personal phone and log in manually during your designated check-in times (this will reduce the urge to “quickly” check something). Physically store a work phone out of reach outside of designated check-in times.

Tip #5: Practice Self-Care and Regulate

Vacations do not automatically imply self-care. It isn’t realistic to expect a vacation devoid of all stress (some examples: waiting in line, dealing with someone else’s bad mood, packing). Also, our bodies need to adjust to new settings and time zones. It can be tempting to jump right into high-energy vacation activities, like beach walks, zip-lining, and sightseeing, but if your body is still in a low-grade stress state, all that activity just piles on top.

Spending 5–10 minutes each morning incorporating a stress management technique (and repeating when needed) will help regulate your nervous system so that you can really relax. Some things to try:

• Box breathing: inhale to a count of 4, hold for a count of 4, exhale for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4, repeat as needed).
• Progressive muscle relaxation.
• Grounding: barefoot on grass, sand, or in water.
• Sensory Grounding: identify 5 things you see, 4 things you feel (physical/tactile, not emotions), 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, and 1 you taste.

This sets the tone for your day and primes your brain to receive pleasure and rest, not just chase it.

Tip #6: Give Yourself Permission to Do Nothing

This one’s tough for high-achievers, but it’s essential. Doing nothing doesn’t mean being lazy. It means releasing the internal demand to be productive, even in your rest.

If you struggle with this concept, try this mantra: “I don’t need to earn this rest. I’m allowed to enjoy it simply because I exist.”

Let it wash over you. Say it again if needed. Then go do absolutely nothing for a while. That’s when true restoration begins.

Tip #7: Savor Micro-Moments

You don’t need to “achieve” full enlightenment in your hammock to benefit from rest. Tiny moments of presence can accumulate into a huge nervous system shift.

You can:

• Sit in a chair with your eyes closed for 60 seconds. Just feel the breeze.
• Chew your food slowly, eyes off screens.
• Take a mindful walk without music or podcasts.
• Watch your child or partner laugh without needing to photograph it.
• Slow down a nice moment. When you recognize that you are enjoying yourself or are feeling calm, take time to sit still in that moment. Do a body scan to help yourself recognize the feeling.

These small pauses create restful imprints in your brain and provide you with the neural evidence that it’s safe to soften, slow down, and just be.

Tip #8: Let Go of “Maximizing the Trip” and Control Your Controllables

Any internal voice that is telling you “You only get this once! You better make the most of it!” is not helpful. That kind of mindset fuels pressure, not peace. Vacations are not performances. Let some things be unplanned. Skip the museum. Eat gelato twice. Say no to the sunrise hike if your body is screaming for sleep.

Acknowledge that no vacation is perfect and things might not always go according to your ideal image. Decide in advance that you aren’t going to let little things interfere with your mood. When the unexpected comes up, remember that you can control how you respond and react in a way that will make you feel best about yourself and your trip.

Relaxation is not always Instagrammable. It’s slow. It’s quiet. It’s sometimes boring. But those are features, not bugs.

If you struggle to relax, it’s not because you’re broken. It’s because our culture conditions us to grind, achieve, and push through. This vacation, try giving yourself what you actually need, not what you think you “should” do. Rest is not a luxury, it's a reboot! The rest can be messy and the joy can be simple- stillness can be enough. Because when you return replenished, everything in your life benefits. You don’t have to earn your rest. You just have to allow it.

Need more help allowing yourself to relax? Get it touch today!